There’s an irony to celebrating Valentine’s Day. It’s a day that celebrates a single emotion — whether romantic, platonic, familial or self-love — but many have mixed feelings towards the fourteenth of February.
Some opt for the heart-shaped clichés, others oppose the symbol of love as capitalism’s tokenism to sell more products. There are those who are simply ambivalent to the festival of chocolates, romantic dinners and a sea of red roses in flower markets.
It’s easy to understand why some discard Valentine’s Day as a way for businesses to capitalise on our desires to consume. Ice cream parlours give away free single scoops to single folk, Woolworths’ punts its annual novelties like heart-shaped camembert, and restaurants entice couples to a special one-night-only dinner at inflated prices, all in the name of love. If anything, could Valentine’s Day be for the love of food?
Despite the criticism of Valentine’s Day as just another capitalist non-holiday, the day’s origins are believed to be in ancient Rome. On 14 February in the third century, emperor Claudius II executed two men, both priests called Valentine. An adjacent tale says that one of these men sent a letter to the woman he loved signed, “From your Valentine”, a sign-off still used today both anonymously and explicitly.
But the catholic church’s recognition of the death of the Valentines as martyrdom, spawned a holiday that celebrates St Valentine. Valentine’s Day has evolved over time from being an ancient homage in Rome and Pagan rituals, to its modern form of celebrating the serendipitous act of being in a committed relationship by buying your loved-one(s) something thoughtful or an opportunity for a secret admirer.
Author and activist bell hooks writes in her book All About Love, “love is as love does. Love is an act of will — namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.”
Not only choosing to love but choosing to celebrate love, makesValentine’s Day an opportunity to combine the classic with the unusual. Valentine’s Day does not dictate you be in a romantic monogamous relationship to show someone you love them, but the chance to make the choice to show love in any form that feels right. For instance, the rise in other versions of Valentine’s Day like “galentine’s day” celebrated between female friends leans more towards platonic love rather than hopeless romanticism.
For those in romantic relationships, it seems being “too busy” for Valentine’s Day can be a lame excuse because for one partner it can beblooms or bust.
The Valentine’s Day industry may push the classic box of chocolates, red roses and lacey numbers as the norm for showing love, but at the heart of it, surely, Valentine’s is about emotional connection over materialistic gestures. (Even if your love language is gift-giving).
“While emotional needs are difficult, and often are impossible to satisfy, material desires are easier to fulfil, ” hooks writes.
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